stephen colbert i am america and so can you

So either accept it without hesitation or get out of the way, because somebody might get hurt, and it's not going to be me.īam! That's me off the cuff. It's not just some collection of reasoned arguments supported by facts. From France! See a pattern? Turns out, it takes more than thirty minutes a night to fix everything that's destroying America, and that's where this book comes in. Last time I checked my supermarket still sold yogurt. I said on the very first episode of The Colbert Report that, together, I was going to change the world, and I've kept up my end of the bargain. And as any farmer or biblical scholar will tell you, locusts are damn hard to get rid of. Men were men, women were women, and gays were 'confirmed bachelors.' But somewhere around the late 60's, it became 'groovy' to 'let it all hang out' while you 'kept on truckin'' stopping only to 'give a hoot.' And today, Lady Liberty is under attack from the cable channels, the internet blogs, and the Hollywood celebritocracy, out there spewing 'facts' like so many locusts descending on America's crop of ripe, tender values. It's time to impregnate this country with my mind. And right now all that opinion is going to waste, like seed on barren ground. When the cameras go off, I'm still talking. I thought my nightly broadcast, The Colbert Report (check your local listings), would pick up some of the slack.

In fact, I have so many opinions, I have overwhelmed my ability to document myself. I can barely put them in my mouth fast enough. I'm like Lucy trying to keep up with the candy at the chocolate factory. Well, like a lot of other dictators, there is one man's opinion I value above all others. It's his funeral.īut I get your 'drift.' Why even dictate? I shouted it into a tape recorder over the Columbus Day weekend, then handed it to my agent and said, 'Sell this.' He's the one who turned it into a book. Now, you might ask yourself, if by yourself you mean me, 'Stephen, if you don't like books, why did you write one?' You just asked yourself a trick question. WELL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS THE FIRST BOOK I'VE EVER WRITTEN, AND I HOPE IT'S THE FIRST BOOK YOU'VE EVER READ. AND CHANCES ARE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU AND I SHARE A HEALTHY SKEPTICISM ABOUT THE PRINTED WORD.

Stephen colbert i am america and so can you